This is Why I Don’t Like to Read the Newspaper

10 Feb

        So, we have just now reached the end of the add/drop period for this semester. I guess that means that it’s kinda just starting, but it sure feels like it’s been going on for quite a while. And there’s certainly no shortage of work either. Which is why this entry is just now getting written. There are two or three entries I’d like to write up and post, but I don’t seem to have time. I was up until 5 am last night doing work. (Course, that was mostly cause I was hanging out with Becca and her fiance (!) until 3… but that could be another entry in and of itself.) Anyways, the point is that I’m really busy learning 3d computer animation and film production and therefore I haven’t been able to post this entry until now. Whew.
        Ok, so, Sherri visited for the weekend, and has since returned home. However, when I went to pick her up at the train station, her train was delayed (something about a van hitting a bridge… ) and so I was waiting at the station for a good hour or so. Eventually I succombed to the lack of activity, and picked up one of the newspapers that was strewn about. And was reminded of why I should never read the newspaper.
        There is an actual article about the FCC “Investigating” the nudity of the half-time show at the superbowl. For those not in the know, Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake were performing and at one point in the show, Justin somehow, perhaps accidentally perhaps not, exposed one of her breasts. That’s right. A breast. Bare. On television. Like, where absolutely anyone and their child could see it. This is huge! As we all know, a picture of bare breast is an incredibly hard thing to see in this day and age. Heck, one in real life is as rare as the Holy Grail itself, and how many of those have you seen around? (We’ll ignore the fact that, if you’re female, you have your own bare breasts to look at essentially whenever you want.) I mean, seriously, can you imagine what would happen if people just start seeing bare breasts everywhere? All the time?? Even (shock!) from birth!!! We’re talking people of all ages and skin colors now. Little black children seeing naked breasts. The horror. Just think about the consequences of that! Good Lord, hell would overflow. So, obviously, it’s very understandable that the FCC would react to the baring of an actual breast in real-time on live television by calling it a “classless, crass and deplorable stunt.” Huh. Justin only called it a “wardrobe malfunction.” The really important part of the article tho, is the following:

”the agency has stepped up its enforcement of indecency in radio and television broadcasts. The FCC has recently faced growing criticism from watchdog groups and lawmakers for not doing enough to protect the public from sex, violence and vulgarity on the airwaves.”

        Whew. I feel safer. Now that these watchdog people have criticised, I’m sure that the FCC will ramp up our protection. Thank God. I mean, sex on the airwaves?? Good God, that’s worse than a breast! It’d be like a nature program on the discovery channel, but for humans! Can you imagine such a travesty! I mean, just imagine the horror if a 7 year old saw two actual live human beings having sex. Surely that would destroy said seven year old. They would just implode right there. How could they stand it? Come to think of it, it’s surprising that there hasn’t been a death count released from the halftime show. Surely the sight of an actual bare breast must have caused a few! What is the world coming to when people of all ages who happen to be watching the superbowl can see a breast? I know I’ll sure feel safer when the airwaves are “protected” from sex and violence. After all, sex and violence are boring to watch, and it’s not like they have any fucking relation to the real world. (You know – that whole place that exists outside of a frame.) It’s a good thing they’re protecting us from vulgarity too. The airwaves might become so safe that people will turn off the airwaves, and go elsewhere for entertainment. Like the internet. And there are no bare breasts, sex, violence, or vulgarity filled places on the internet.
        One more thing, and this is the kicker (no football pun intended). This is from a letter to the editor, by someone named “Bob” from “Springfield. Really. Honestly. I swear. Fuck. See? Bob from Springfield says the following:

”If teen-agers can watch Justin Timberlake playfully, and without recourse, sexually assault Janet Jackson during the Super Bowl half-time show, then how are parents to tell our sons and daughters that that behavior is not only unacceptable, it is degrading, dehumanizing, and is a serious criminal act.”

        He didn’t end it with a question mark, so neither will I, even tho it is a question. And a serious one at that, after all, sons and daughters everywhere must learn that it is absolutely unacceptable and a serious criminal act to ever take off even part of someone elses shirt. But that’s not the point. The point is that what “Bob” is really saying is that he can’t teach a lesson to a teenager if the television has already contradicted that lesson. He can’t teach something if the television has already contradicted his teaching. This man needs to be taken by a bunch of genetic scientists right now and examined until the gene for stupidity is identified. And then all who carry it need to be systematically wiped out. Peacefully and non-violently of course. Just show them a naked breast, that should do it. Better yet, force them to expose the breast themselves, that’ll be sure to do it.

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2 Responses to “This is Why I Don’t Like to Read the Newspaper”

  1. chesire_smile February 11, 2004 at 2:45 am #

    *exposes breast* I love you honey!!!!!!!!

    • junorhane February 11, 2004 at 3:09 am #

      AACK!!! Good Heavens! Censor yourself! Anyone could be reading that!
      On the other hand, Thanks!

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