“How long till my soul gets it right?…

10 Jun

“… Can any human being ever reach that kind of light? I call on the resting soul of Galileo, king of night vision, king of insight.”*

So the conclusion from my last post seems to be that if there is a formula for figuring this whole “life” thing out, it’s more complicated than balancing a triangle of things, even if it’s an isosceles triangle whose angles vary from person to person. Oh, and also that we don’t know what this complicated formula is. What do they teach us in these schools?

The things that have been mentioned as important to figure out are, in no particular order: love, health, finances, work, where one lives, what one does in the day, and who one does whatever they do with.

Interestingly, there is another large component to this whole “life” thing that none of us has mentioned yet. But for me at least, I think it’s the most important component. Why I haven’t mentioned it yet I’m not sure. Whatever your complicated formula for a happy and/or successful life is, it comes from this.
I am talking about how each of us, in our individual way, makes sense of the great contraption that is this universe.
I’m talking about an understanding of the underlying context of all that is. It’s the biggest question of all, really, how do you make sense of everything?

If you can’t, or don’t, make sense of everything can you have a good, happy, successful life? Will your soul ever “get it right”?

So here’s how I’m doing with all these. In no particular order.

Where I live: I’m happy with this in many ways. I’m in a great house, with great people. Some of them are blood-relatives and some aren’t, but we all get along perfectly well. Rent is cheap. We have wireless internet and digital TV. We have cats. The house is kept nice and clean, but each individual only has to do minimal work every week to keep it that way. We have a nice yard. Most (if not all) of my food is purchased and often prepared for me. I have my own nice room. It’s a pretty good situation overall.
But I am currently alone in it.
This great house is in Napa, where I have yet to meet any good friends. And Hallie is away until September (and I hope not any later than that.) Most of my friends (including Kirawen and Care) are on the other side of the country.

Work: Again, I’m happy with this in many ways. New Earth Academy is a great place most of the time. I get to do things that I enjoy doing, (like make a movie about New Earth Academy) and I get to share that enjoyment. But sometimes the people are very frustrating to work with. And then there’s the large issue of me not getting paid. This is because New Earth Academy is so far from financially stable that we may not even open again next year. Which leads to…

Finances: Here is a huge problem. I have no income. I have credit card debt. I have student loans to pay. I have car payments. Now that I am not a student, I have to pay for health insurance (since my job doesn’t). I have to pay for car insurance, and I have to pay for anything else I might need or want (like gas, food, and netflix). This situation has to change.

Health: This one I’m pretty good with. I did just have shoulder surgery, and finally finished Physical Therapy for it, and I’m still healing from that, but I’m pretty satisfied with my health at this point. As long as nothing else goes wrong.

Writing short lj entries: As you can see, I’m usually not very good at writing short lj entries. Fortunately, this isn’t one of our criteria.

Love: Ah love. Perhaps the most overused word in the English language. Along with fuck. Which is sometimes used to mean love. Of course “love” is often used to mean countless different things. I have a lot of love in my life. I’m deeply in love with Hallie, and it is undisputable that my life is better with her in it than it was without her. However, my life is better with her physically living with me, than it is when she is away. Which she is now. I love Sylness, who is wonderfully and thankfully coming to visit me near the end of the summer. I love Youngjedi dearly. I’ll probably always have feelings for Kirawen. I love Care, and Amy, and Vanessa, and Josh, and Gabe, and Tessa, and Alex, and Gabrielle and all my other friends from that coast. There are people (like Becca and Sara) that I rarely talk to anymore that I still love. There are people I’ve lost touch with (like Megan) that I still love. But none of these loves are here with me now. So there’s a lot of (distant) love in my life.

What I do in the day: This one I’m also pretty good with, but that’s because I adapt well to whatever situation I’m in, even if it isn’t a good situation. If all I can do in a day is watch movies by myself, read, write, and sort out Magic cards, then that’s what I do. I’m generally happy with what I spend my days doing, but there are things I’d like to be doing that I’m not. I’d like to be writing more. I’d like to be having more sex. I’d like to be having more intense philosophical discussions (like this one, but in person) about the great contraption that is life, the universe, and everything. I’d like to spend my days doing essentially what I am doing now, but with other people. Which leads to…

Who I do whatever I do with: I do a lot of things by myself. Mainly, this is because nobody else who is around wants to do them. Which relates to the fact that there aren’t many people around. I’d rather have people around. So basically what I am saying is that all of you should move nearby. Or at least come to visit me.
If you take one thing from this lengthy and analytical (and possibly boring) entry, it should be this: you’re all expected to move here.

I do want to say that I am glad to have my family, and the kids at New Earth Academy, and everyone else who is nearby and that I do get to be with and spend time with. Perhaps I should have mentioned them under the “love” section, as I love them all and they are all here. I don’t want any of these people to move, I just want to have more of my friends nearby as well.

And that leaves only the biggest thing of all: how do I makes sense of the great contraption that is this universe? Why is the world the way it is?

“Philosophy is written in that great book, the universe, that forever stands open before our eyes, but one cannot read it until one has first learned to understand the language and recognize the symbols in which is written. It is written in the language of mathematics, and its symbols are triangles, circles, and other geometrical figures without which one cannot understand a word, without which one wanders through a dark labyrinth in vain.” ~ Galileo

Thanks “king of insight” but we already tried that whole triangle thing in my last entry.

How do I explain everything? There are beings and dimensions which our traditional five senses have not yet realized. These beings and dimensions are all intertwined in this universe with us.
This universe was created, and is still being created and transformed, by some of these beings in these other dimensions. This process of creation, however, did not go completely according to plan, and it is still a process which isn’t mastered. (If you’ve ever had an image, or story, or song, or dance in your head, and you’ve tried to create it only to have it come out wrong or even just not quite right, this is what I think happened with the universe.)
Knowing and realizing that things are the way they are because the creator(s) haven’t mastered the process of creation gives me my underlying purpose for myself. I hope to gain enough understanding, and to develop enough to be able to help in transforming what has been created to adhere more to the original intended design.
This is why New Earth Academy is such a great place for me to work, and I why I’m sticking with it despite the drawbacks. I am free there to learn and develop as much as I can. It is among my responsibilities there to help younger humans learn and develop as much as they can. The underlying goal of New Earth Academy is nothing short of creating a New and changed Earth. Any job I have, any daily routine I have, must be able to say as much, or I don’t think I will be happy in it.
If I’m not working to help correct the underlying fabric of reality, what’s the point of being? That’s a lot to ask.

So. How are you all doing?

* Starting with song lyrics worked well last time. No reason to stop now.

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5 Responses to ““How long till my soul gets it right?…”

  1. tinycaredance June 11, 2006 at 1:03 am #

    first off.
    indigo girls is a great choice. i give you
    “Oh mercy what I wont give
    To have the things that mean the most
    Not to mean the things I miss
    Unforgiving the choice still is
    The language or the kiss”
    lyrics are always a great way to start a song for this i suggest “music speaks louder than words” for your listening pleasure.
    as for your life criteria:
    i am happy to know that even though it has been an infinte number of years since i have seen your smiling face, i enjoy that i am still loved and i love that i’m mentioned frequently in your not-so-short livejournal entries.
    why try and make senese of the world? why not accept that some days are better than others. i too play the “what if” game. what if i had never been born into this family, think of the people that i wouldn’t know. would i still be “me”? what if things worked more in my favor? would i be as appreciative of the things i have?
    lately the weather out here has been rainy with a chance of heavy down pour and/or alternating with drizzle.
    this does absolutly nothing for my typically “happy” disposition.
    i too face the challenges of life, i am doing something i love (teaching dance) but i also have car payments/insurance, rent, and various other “earthly” commitments.
    is it possible to do what you love and make a living off of it? can you be happy and make money and survive in a society based around money?
    is it ever possible for our “soul to get things right?” or do we just muddle through with what we can do and simply keep our head above water for fear of drowning.
    keep posting, i’m intregued.

    • junorhane June 12, 2006 at 9:36 pm #

      Thanks Care, for this, and the entry on your lj. I feel all honored. It’s nice.
      As for the big question of “why try and make sense of the world?” I think it depends on who you are. I think there are some people who don’t have to try and make sense of it, or who make sense of it in a different way. You know that scene in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants where Tibby finds Bailey’s tape?

      “Hey its me Bailey. You don’t have to use this in your movie or anything … Being happy isn’t having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe it’s about stringing together all the little things like wearing these pants or getting to a new level of Dragon Slayer, making those count for more than the bad stuff. Maybe we just get through it and that’s all we can ask for”

      For someone like Bailey, that makes sense. Maybe for most people that sort of “some days are better than others” viewpoint makes sense and works. I sometimes wish I could do that. But I can’t. For some reason I’m too curious and end up asking “why are some days better than others?” Do we really need bad days to know and appreciate the good ones? Why do I have to make little good things count for more than they are in order to outweigh the bad things?
      And maybe there’s no good answers to these questions, and maybe I’m better off not asking them, but so far I’ve been unable to stop wondering. Couldn’t an ideal world exist where there are no bad days? Why doesn’t that world exist? etc.
      Maybe it’s just me.

    • junorhane June 12, 2006 at 9:39 pm #

      Also… “is it possible to do what you love and make a living off of it? can you be happy and make money and survive in a society based around money? ”
      Is is possible? Yeah. Is it likely, plausible, or easy for me? No. Does a society based around money (as opposed to, say, meeting everyone’s needs) actually make humane sense? Not to me.

  2. kirawen June 12, 2006 at 2:09 pm #

    Wow. Sounds like you’re really not doing so bad, except for the loneliness factor. Of course, imo, loneliness is probably the worst of sorrows one can feel. I’m not sure if it’s the same way for anyone else, but for me, if I feel lonely, it’s like a domino effect on everything else. I could have a crappy job I hate and still be just fine if I don’t feel lonely. So… go find some friends out there! There must be some cool people in the area, since the rest of us don’t seem to be moving out there any time soon. Have you tried something like craigslist? I think my friends Dan and DM found me through something like that, and they’re awesome friends…

    • junorhane June 14, 2006 at 1:35 am #

      “something like craigslist”
      well, thanks to you and Sylness I succombed to OKcupid, which I still think is the coolest find/meet people website ever. And not only cause it’s free, it’s mostly the whole underlying way it works.
      Be warned though, it’s an incredibly powerful time waster. Plus, it tells me that I’m 90% compatible with myself.

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