Guest Blogger: The Mythical Cassowiirie

19 Oct

     You may have noticed that mythical beasts like The Cassowiirie don’t tend to blog, but being part Wii himself he is becoming a bit concerned about how the media is treating the Wii.
      Greg Howson, for the games section of the Guardian Unlimited, recently interviewed Patrice Desilets, the creative director of upcoming video game Assassin’s Creed.
      Game company Ubisoft has spent lots of money and time making this game, and they want you to know about it so that you buy it and make their effort worth it. At least The Cassowiirie is pretty sure that was the intent of the interview.
      Unfortunately for The Cassowiirie, who doesn’t own any video game consoles other than his own Wii abdomen, Assassin’s Creed isn’t going to be available for the Wii. And why isn’t it? Well… good Patrice is here to explain it to us.

“The Wii is all about casual games.”

     Speaking as a creature who is part Wii, The Cassowiirie can tell you this is simply false. Now, Patrice doesn’t bother to explain what “casual” means here, but as far as The Cassowiirie is concerned, games like Zelda: Twilight Princess, RedSteel (a game by Ubisoft), Resident Evil 4, Super Mario Galaxy, Prince of Persia: Rival Swords (another game by Ubisoft), and Metroid Prime 3 Corruption are not “casual” games. Those games take something like 15,000 hours to complete! Each! They also all happen to be Wii games. The Cassowiirie guesses that by “casual games” Patrice means “games that are for the Wii.” That makes her statement technically correct as well as stupid and redundant. Patrice continues:

“ In terms of processing power and graphics capabilities the Wii is roughly equivalent to the PS2 and the first Xbox.”

      Alright, yeah, you know what? The Wii doesn’t have the graphical capabilities of the XBox 360, or the Playstation 3. (It’s also about $4000 cheaper.) But it does have graphical capabilities stronger than the Gamecube, which had capabilities roughly equivalent to the PS2 and the first Xbox. I guess by “roughly equivalent” Patrice means “better than.”
      Or she’s just wrong. That could be too.
      Maybe she’ll say something right if we keep reading…

“On the team and at Ubisoft in general, we are big fans of the Nintendo approach. I like the controller and the fact that the Wii is bringing a new audience to games but Assassin’s creed would never run on the Wii hardware.”

     So, you all really really like the Wii, and Nintendo, and their approach, and their controller, and their new audience, so you decided to make a game that wouldn’t work on the Wii. Brilliant.
      Also, since you’re releasing a version of Assassin’s Creed on the Nintendo DS, the tiny handheld system with hardware weaker than the Wii, this statement kind of comes across as a lie. Obviously a version of Assassin’s Creed could run on the Wii, you just chose not to make it do so.

“There’s a big audience that’s looking for immersive gameplay and a cinematic entertainment experience with graphics that rival the best CG.”

      Probably, but there’s an even bigger audience of people who own Wiis.
      Look, The Cassowiirie doesn’t want to come across as mean, (it’s not good for the mythical beast image) but reading this interview made me wonder if Patrice might be using words that she doesn’t know the meaning of. Like “intuitive.” The Oxford Dictionary says that it means “using or based on what one feels to be true even without conscious reasoning; instinctive.” Yet Patrice, when talking about the controls for Assassin’s Creed says that they are “intuitive.” Actually, what she says is this:

“It’s a new concept so it takes a bit of time to get used to but once you get it the controls are intuitive.”

      The Cassowiirie isn’t sure, but based on the actual definition of the word, he thinks that if something both “takes a bit of time to get used to” and requires “getting” a “new concept” then it is, fundamentally, not intuitive. The Cassowiirie is inclined to think that he’s right since Greg says the controls were “not exactly intuitive.”
     Of course, The Cassowiirie will never be able to find out for himself, since Ubisoft decided they won’t let him put Assassin’s Creed into his mythical abdomen of Wii game goodness.

One Response to “Guest Blogger: The Mythical Cassowiirie”

  1. chesire_smile October 22, 2007 at 12:59 am #

    Thats right, boys and girls. Thats my boyfriend.

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