One Reason to Like Christmas

26 Dec

So, among the many DVDs I recieved for Christmas were two that didn’t arrive yet. Both The New World and Cinema Paradiso (utterly fantastic movies, both) are still in the mail somewhere. So instead of opening a present and finding them inside I simply found a notice which explained that they were on their way. Here, quoted in full, is that notice. I suspect that Womark actually wrote it himself, but one can never know.

Urgent! Time-Sensitive Material
has sent you the following message:

Due to unexpectedly high volume of requests this year, there has been a temporary ho-ho-hold up on delivery of the express order to this intended recipient. The temporary agency which supplies temporary reindeer is temporarily out of temps, and the Christmas gift from
designated for
Orion Juno (son of Orion Rhea, of California Napa)
has been routed to our cyberspace location until a secondary delivery access plan can be implemented. Rest assured that our senior managing elves are working on this problem diligently on their rest periods, and the intended item(s) will probably arrive before you receive this emergency delay notice. If not, please be assured that the item(s) pictured herein represent genuine actual objects personally handcrafted by our network of participating outsourced associates (or their designees and assigns) and will be delivered in your reality during the appropriate timeframe, or whichever happens sooner.

Meanwhile, carry on with your Merry Christmas and rest assured that Santa or one of his local agents knows that you’ve been a good boy.

And that was just one of my presents. I love my family.


One Response to “One Reason to Like Christmas”

  1. Anonymous December 5, 2008 at 9:49 pm #

    I know this is from 2007 from I really miss Christmas.. I get Orion-sick every time its near Christmas 😦 **** Dani

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